October

I was tentatively getting Orlando’s old newborn clothes (fortunately all neutral colours!) out to get them washed and ready for our little bundle’s arrival.

We got an email on Friday 26th October from Dr Samit to inform us that Lalitha was showing signs of labour and that the baby would probably arrive in the next week.

The washing of all the clothes began in earnest!

We then got a call from Anjani on Monday 29th October to inform us that our little boy had been born. He weighed in at a tiny 5lb 3oz (born at 36 weeks) but was healthy and safe as was Lalitha, our surrogate.

We have named him Hunter and we couldn’t wait to meet him!

We jumped on the next flight to pick up our little blue bundle and introduce him to our family.

When we met him we couldn’t believe our eyes! He’s definitely ours! :o) Orlando was so excited to meet him too. He dotes on his little brother and is Mummy’s little helper already for all things concerning Hunter.

We feel so blessed and lucky that our dreams have come true. Hunter is a much loved son who we have so looked forward to meeting. As his parents we are overjoyed by his arrival as is his big brother, which is just perfect. May we enjoy many many happy days together as our complete family of 4.

We would also like to thank KIC for all the help, support and advice they have given us. They really have made dreams come true and we will be forever grateful to them for this. As any of you who have read or are reading this will know we are true advocates of surrogacy and KIC are the leaders of the pack as far as we are concerned. They have been with us every step of the way making sure we are fully informed at all times, plus most importantly making sure the surrogate mother and baby are safe and well. It is a very impressive service and we would recommend Dr Samit, Anjani Kumar and Sai Raj Jaiswal to anyone wanting to start or extend their family.

Make your dreams of having a family reality…..nothing is impossible.

Anjani Kumar, Dom, Dr Samit, Hunter, Orlando, Myself & Sai Rai Jaiswal

 

September

1st September:
Our story appeared on the front page of the Daily Mail newspaper. We saw it online to begin with when we woke up and then our family Skyped us with the actual print version as we cannot buy it in HK. It was on page 1, 2 & 3! This was neither our intention nor our expectation.

The headline was horrendous ‘Our rent a womb child from an Indian baby farm’ and on the online version it was even worse: ‘Our rent a womb child from an Indian baby farm: British couple paying £20,000 for a desperately poor single mother to have their child’.

This is NOT what we were expecting what so ever. To say we were shocked does not even begin to describe the sensation of seeing and reading information about you which is not a true representation of who or what you are.

Our names and photos were splashed all over the piece and of course we were horrified to be associated with newspaper’s spin and headline. The piece was a positive account, but we felt it was derogatory towards us, India, and surrogacy in India. I was relieved that neither Lalitha nor the clinic are named; this we had stipulated.
It was a perfect case of such goodwill and intention being completely sensationalized by the press. The final piece and headlines are chosen by the Editor of the newspaper.  We came to realise that once our story had been chosen to be on the front pages, the agenda had changed from telling our story, to selling newspapers; it is also out of the journalist’s hands. The UK press is renowned to be melodramatic, but we certainly had no inclination that this would be geared towards our story.

Family and friends were rather surprised to see us in the headline, but fortunately know that the representation of us did not match and hence the representation of India and of surrogacy in India was being exaggerated too. This is in turn what the general public will think owing to the UK press being so sensationalistic. 
I have had sleepless nights since the story was printed. I have felt physically sick with worry about everything to do with it; the implications on us, Lalitha, KIC and India.

However, regardless of the horrendous spin on the story the response to the article has been phenomenal. We have had messages of support from all over the world. These people are amazed by the choice women have in India to help childless couples; and admire the job they are doing to help such people. This message has come through in abundance and we are overjoyed that this is the reality of what the article has done.
We wanted to raise awareness of the surrogacy and the article certainly has. Our friends in the UK have been informing us that every day since the story was published more and more positive stories have been told about surrogacy in India.

The admiration for us telling our story to inspire people has been loud and clear. We have been described as brave telling our story; we do not agree. It is simply raising awareness on a subject that is not widely discussed. The other feedback we have had is that if people were in a similar predicament they would look to India for help. 

One of the best emails I got was from a Doctor who looked up ‘Ashermans Symdrome’. She didn’t know what it was, which means that now one more Dr is aware of it and could help a patient. I am certain too that she would then recommend Indian surrogate mothers now and refer people to us, who we would refer straight to KIC.

People are responding in a manner that allows them to explore what they had never thought of or didn’t know was possible. We are very approachable about the subject and would never have spoken out about it if we were not positive about it. We are not hurt and ashamed by what anyone else thinks. We are true advocates and hold our heads up high and proudly and sing the praises of Dr Samit, Anjani , Lalitha, the whole KIC team and the opportunities in India.

Our baby will know where he or she came from. Another miracle of life, which has been looked after and grown in an amazing woman’s womb instead of my own.

In the meantime the month goes on and we are still worried about Lalitha’s placenta. We have again talked to Dr Samit to check she is doing OK and the baby is still well. These 2 people are our priority.  We are also very worried about Lalitha and how she must feel – we understand she has seen the article.  As mentioned earlier, the article lacked the respect we feel she deserves for what she and others are doing as surrogate mothers.  We only hope that she can see and learn how real people, such as ourselves, totally admire everything she is doing.  She has our total support. 

We are not playing a game; we are looking to bring a new and happy life into the world and we want to do all we can to help that happen. Out intentions in life and in our surrogacy journey are good and true. We are delighted we have got this far and pray our journey is not cut short.

We are looking forward to receiving our fortnightly scans to see our little baby continue to grow and get stronger and stronger.

We will keep you posted...

Thank you for reading our story thus far.

August

The journalist, Helen, got back in touch. We explained that our surrogate is doing a fantastic job and we are feeling much more reassured as we are past the 20-week mark and the pregnancy progresses smoothly week by week. She asked whether we would now be happy to tell her our story, so we did as we are true advocates of KIC, Lalitha and for surrogacy in India. It has made us realize our dreams of becoming a family of four; we want to share this and let people know there is hope. We wanted to raise awareness of Asherman’s Syndrome and of surrogacy in India as a prospect for couples with fertility issues. We couldn’t be more appreciative of what the KIC team and Lalitha has done to date for us.

We told our story to Helen just as you have read in this blog (if you have read all of it)! Although we didn’t feel it appropriate to add the other heartache, relating to Dominic’s father and my Mother, both of which have been such a huge part of our lives for the past 6 months.

Helen said that a national English newspaper, the Daily Mail, was very interested in our story and would like to print it. We all supposed it would be in the back pages in amongst the other stories about people’s lives and hence agreed to let them print it. We hoped it would provide inspiration to other English couples. Helen said she would let us know when it would be printed.

We continued to get our fortnightly reports and this month received some additional test results. Anjani forwarded all of the results on to us, as he has on each occasion tests have been done. It was noted in the test results that there was calcification of the placenta; Anjani brought this to our attention and said if we had any concerns to contact Dr Samit.

We had never come across this before and we were naturally rather concerned for Lalitha and the baby. We called Dr Samit who couldn’t have been more supportive and clear in his explanation. He put our minds at rest immediately. He confirmed that the baby might be early, but also that Lalitha appeared to be doing well; that she was being monitored very closely; and she would now be scanned weekly rather than fortnightly. The care that Lalitha is receiving is second to none and it is such a comfort to know she is being so well looked after.

July

Lalitha is still doing an amazing job. We still can’t believe that the pregnancy is progressing so well. The fortnightly scans continue to amaze us and give us great hope and happiness.

The pregnancy is now at 20 weeks; we are half way there!! Pure relief and joy mixed into one!

As we had crossed the half way mark we began to feel a little braver and allowing ourselves to start thinking ahead - we bought a buggy! This was a huge step and it felt a little strange but it has made the pregnancy seem more real and closer to home.

As ever the KIC staff and Lalitha are doing a wonderful job. We are truly appreciative to get to this point.

June

As a family this was a very difficult month; Dom’s father died. This was incredibly distressing time; our family was on the other side of the world and we need to be with them. We had to put all our own emotions to one side and focus all our energies on Dominic’s father’s widow and our immediate family.

We flew home to the UK to  attend to the funeral and grieve for losing a loved one. The combination of such grief and our nerves about Lalitha and our baby continuing to grow was a very difficult balance. We had to focus on the positive; we have a baby to look forward to meeting, which definitely helped with the mourning process.

We worried about the Lalitha and our baby but we had to put this to one side to focus on the grief and bereavement of losing a father and grandfather. A huge hole was going to be left in our family.
We looked forward even more to our fortnightly reports from the KIC as this brought a huge amount of joy in a heart breaking time in our lives.

May

Anjani was in touch every week via email with our weekly reports and finally we got to the 12 week point! We couldn’t believe it! We were so grateful to Lalitha and the team that we had got through the first trimester and we were now able to look forward to the second and third. The reality of what Lalitha and the team were doing for us was starting to become real.

We had been very cautious about getting too excited as the fear of Lalitha miscarrying, or a complication, was very real. We appreciate how delicate pregnancy is.

At this point we told our very closest friends what we were doing, just as we had done with my pregnancy with Orlando, now that we were feeling a little more comfortable with the progress. They were all thrilled for us and so positive and enthused about our choice to ask a surrogate mother in India to carry our child. They were very excited for us and the goodwill that came forth was tangible.  We are very grateful for such supportive family and friends; we are very lucky.

April

Every week Anjani would send his reports and Lalitha and our little baby were doing very well. It was simply amazing to see this happening in real time. We are thrilled we have made it into the next month. Lalitha and the staff at KIC are doing a wonderful job.

In the meantime we had another problem to worry about. My mother was diagnosed with a life threatening illness and was rushed into hospital to be operated on.

Not only were we worried about Lalitha and our baby, but we now had concerns about my mother and her good health too. This was not a good month.

In the meantime we were asked by KIC if we would like to speak to a journalist about our surrogacy experience with KIC. We said we would be very happy to be contacted as we only have positive things to say.

We had got to 6 weeks by the time the journalist, Helen, got in touch. When we spoke to her we confirmed we would be very happy to talk to but at this stage it was far too early in the pregnancy. We were still feeling incredibly nervous to be talking about the pregnancy at this early stage.  Helen completely understood and wished us and our surrogate the best of luck.

March

Dr Samit informed us how many embryos we had and again we were so pleased the fertilisation had been successful.  We left the next stages to the clinic.

Our only hope was that now our surrogate mother would fall pregnant. We knew we had left her in very experienced and capable hands. Dr Samit and the medical team would make sure she was in the best health at all times and that she was looked after physically and emotionally for the journey ahead.

We received an email 10 days later confirming that our surrogate mother was pregnant! I am not sure we could totally believe it! We were so pleased for us but also our surrogate mother. We discovered our surroagate’s name is Lalitha; which is a very pretty name. Lalitha and our journey has begun together!

We have to admit that we know very little about Lalitha.  We do know that she has a family of her own; that she probably lives in Hyderabad, or not too far away; otherwise we know little of her life and her own story.  There are so many crucial people involved every step of the way.  Some play big roles, others relatively small, but sometimes no less important.   Lalitha has undoubtedly made the biggest sacrifice of all of us.  She’s the one who has chosen to step up; move away from her dearest family, her friends, and from the life she leads.  We don’t know how big a sacrifice that is for her – as only a mother could understand, I’m sure it’s significant.  I don’t know her motives, nor how she must be feeling – I fully appreciate how tough and what hard work pregnancy is.  We are very grateful for the personal sacrifice she is making every day.  I hope, one day, she learns that what she and other surrogate mothers do to help those of us who have struggled for one of life’s great treasures – having a child – is truly humbling.  When we get to the end, which I obviously hope will be successful, I would love to meet her and thank her from the bottom of my heart.  I also know it may not be appropriate, or even wanted, which is fine.  I can’t force my wishes on anyone, but I hope I can somehow pass on my thanks and best wishes to her.      

We were sent a scan and all the details of the embryo at this (very early) stage. We couldn’t believe it was actually real. Anjani explained we would receive a report which consist of ultra sound photos, ultra sound videos and the baby’s growth measurements, every week for the first 12 weeks of the pregnancy. Then after this we would receive a report every fortnight. We would be able to see our baby growing every step of the way in Lalitha. We were so pleased that this was going to be the case so we could bond with the baby being in Lalitha’s womb.

Each week we waited patiently for the scan and each week we couldn’t believe that this little person was growing. We feel very blessed, but remained incredibly nervous.

February

We moved house as our landlord kicked us out for his own personal gain. This was an incredibly stressful time in itself.

A week after moving in to our new flat a huge box arrived (with cooler packs – amazing), just as Dr Samit & Anjani had explained, with the IVF drugs to encourage my ovaries to produce eggs. I started self-injecting. This was fine, but I have a new found respect for diabetics who have to self inject every day for their entire lives to stay alive.

I had a few queries about the medication and hence emailed Dr Samit and immediately he replied explaining and answering my worries and queries. He explained everything fully and made everything clear. I was relieved to be able to contact him so easily and for him to direct me so openly.
I self injected for 2 weeks. During this time we organised our flights to Hyderabad to then meet KIC and have my eggs harvested. Timing was critical as I had to make sure KIC could see me the day after my last injection at home.

We also arranged for Dominic’s mum to come out to us and look after Orlando whilst we were away in India. She was absolutely amazing, dropped everything, and found a flight to Hong Kong without a moment of hesitation.

I was SO stressed out emotionally and physically that I lost the ability to cook and served up 2 evening meals that were uncooked and raw – to my embarrassment. I love to cook and it was distressing to see what was happening to me. My mother in law and Dominic were incredibly worried about me.

Never the less we did our hand over to Dominic’s Mum and we got on the flight heading to Hyderabad. It was very nerve wracking, terrifying and exciting all at the same time. We took a deep breath; we were really doing it….

We arrived at Hyderabad airport and as Anjani has explained there would be a hotel car waiting for us. The hotel had our room booking and again, as Anjani had explained there was a local mobile phone waiting for us too. This was a brilliant idea as it had all the KIC staff’s telephone numbers in it and was an immediate source of comfort.

KIC had everything in hand. Efficiency at its very best; we were more than impressed.

We had arrived late, so Anjani said he would have the KIC car pick us up the following morning to meet himself, Dr Samit and Dr Kiran. The car arrived bang on time to pick us up; we couldn’t have asked for more and again were blown away by this amazing efficiency.

We got to the clinic and it was great to finally see it. We were shown to a special waiting room and Anjnai introduced himself.  He was charming and it was a pleasure to meet him. He told us Dr Samit would meet us separately in a consulting room. We then met Dr Samit and he happily answered all our questions about the egg harvest , the surrogacy journey and explained to us in more detail about how we would move forward. It was a pleasure to meet him and he immediately put our minds to rest. He answered all of our questions no matter how big or small there were. It was lovely to finally put faces to the names we had been talking to.

I also met Dr Kiran and all the other doctors and nurses who were more than helpful. They again helped put my nerves to one side.

Fortunately we did not have to go to the clinic every day so we had much time to ourselves to explore Hyderabad. It is a very interesting city with fascinating sites to visit. We used tuk tuks for our ‘out-and-about’ adventures to really get ourselves orientated with the city. We explored everywhere, from the old city walls to the high tech ‘silcon valley’ area. The city is an amazing mix of old and new which is wonderful to see. You could spend every day visiting stunning palaces, tombs, forts and of course the wonderful markets. I got quite carried away on one of the most colourful streets I think I have ever seen; they sold bangles – every single shop! It was divine!

We enjoy Indian cuisine so were very keen to explore all the restaurants we could. One evening Anjani took us to a restaurant overlooking the Lake, The Water Front’. This was very kind of him to give us his precious time, but it was also a chance for him to get to know and understand us as a family in a relaxed environment away from the clinic which was lovely.

The food in every restaurant we went to was delicious and I for one would never get bored of the biriani, dal and roti! It makes my mouth water just thinking about all the flavours and blending of spices! I am a keen cook. Perhaps when we are back I should enroll on a cooking course to learn the true art of curry making?

One thing about returning to India as an adult, I was last there 25 years ago, was that I kept on coming across things that I remembered as a child; in particular Limca and roti! It was a treat to find them again.

Finally came the day of my egg harvest after much careful monitoring. Dr Kiran left nothing to chance. 2 days prior to this, I had the final injection which had to be administered late one evening. One of the lovely nurses came to our hotel room to administer the final injection as it was in my back and I couldn’t reach the area plus Dominic was a little nervous to do it himself! We could hardly believe the KIC staff were so kind as to come to our hotel and help us in this way.

The following morning I walked into the operating room. Before I knew it I was knocked out and awake again with Dominic at my side. It had been quick and simple; I knew I was in safe hands. Then it was Dominic’s turn to hand in his contribution!

The medical team looked after me very well and wouldn’t let me leave until they were certain I wasn’t queasy and could walk and talk properly again. There was no pressure for us to leave the recovering room in the clinic; only when I was ready and they were happy with me did they let that happen. At all times the staff were checking on me.

We said our thank yous and good byes, hoping we would see the KIC team very soon.
Before we left Hyderabad Dr Samit called to tell us the number of eggs they had harvested and it was a good harvest, which was a huge relief. The following morning, with me feeling rather sore, bruised and swollen from the harvesting, we jumped on a flight home and left the KIC team to look after the next steps.

January

20th January 2012:
Possibly the worst day of our lives. My fears were confirmed when my Dr told me my uterus was sealed and I could no longer carry a baby. I have ‘Asherman’s Syndrome’ which is caused by multiple D&CS.

Despair & distraught were just 2 of the emotions I felt; I was barren. I could no longer give my husband or myself the children that we so wanted. I have never cried so much; which is exhausting in itself emotionally and physically.

The question now was what to do?

Surrogacy –we had prepared ourselves for the worst outcome and there was no doubt in our minds that this was the route for us to look into. This meant that when it was confirmed we could no longer have the family we so dreamed of we were proactive and ready to look at this alterative solution.

We were fully and whole heartedly supported along this entire process by our family. Without whom we would not have had the strength to be so confident in our decision and focused about the quest ahead of us.

In our minds surrogacy is selfless. Pregnancy is a huge strain on the body and to allow another person to use your womb for 9 months is an incredibly giving and selfless act; and when involving a stranger it is even more gallant.

My doctor was very positive about it and helped give us some ideas for starters. We then also literally ‘hit’ Google! Modern technology and the internet are just amazing at a time like this when you are looking for answers and help.

After a week of research Dominic had focused in on India. India was a place both D & I could relate to; I lived there as a child & D has worked there. We like the country, the people and the fascinating culture. It is an incredible place. India did not seem an alien country to go to and surrogacy is medically and legally acceptable too.

A particular clinic kept on being mentioned and recommended on Google. We needed to get in touch! We didn’t waste a minute and we got in touch with ‘Kiran Infertility Clinic’, Hyderabad (KIC).
A gentleman by the name of Anjani immediately replied to our email enquiry as did the doctor, Dr Samit. This was extremely impressive. We were blown away and wanted to meet them!

The communications and explanations of how things would work were explained and it was so thorough that we wanted to jump on a plane ASAP!

Before I begin...

Before I begin my story there are a few things you need to know about me and my family. My name is Octavia and I am married to Dominic; the most wonderful and caring husband you could ever imagine. He is my rock, my best friend, my source of comfort and love. He works incredibly hard to provide for his family and to that effect has to travel with work overseas and hence spends a huge amount of time away from home. Holidays are often an interesting concept as I am not sure he has been able to take a holiday without spending a few days working! Never the less I love him no matter what!

We have one son, Orlando, who we adore and brings us more joy than you could ever even begin to imagine! He is 3 ½ and is as gorgeous in his manner as he is in his personality. From the day he was born he brought pure happiness and completed our family.

We are a positive family with a ‘can do’ attitude.

After Orlando turned one we wanted to add another child into our lives. So we started trying for a second baby. We fell pregnant within 4 months just as we had with Orlando. We were overjoyed but ever nervous, just as we were when pregnant with Orlando. Pregnancy is a hugely precarious business and we truly believe it is the miracle of life.

Sadly I ‘miscarried’ in my 2nd trimester; when I say this my waters broke prematurely and the Doctors had to remove our baby, as it would not have not survived through to a full term pregnancy. This was horrendous and affected us hugely.

We tried to conceive again and nothing was happening. I consulted my Dr who then put me in touch with a wonderful fertility specialist.

So this is our journey in our words: